I am suppose to be sleeping or studying (not in the mood as usual), but oh well, decided to write some stuff down.
Constantly disturbed recently, i can't concentrate. I am distracted.
Too much to think about, to forget about, and hopefully to forgive.
Let's believe I can.
I know I can.
* i just realised the title is so emo.
it's ok, i am not a 14 yo teenage hiding round a dark corner trying to kill herself. and i believe tomorrow's gonna be a better day. way better.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
CAUTION: THIS IS A RANDOM RANT THAT YOU CAN JUST SKIP
Hey guys! Haven't been here for a while after my Penang trip but well, I am back!
Back to my blog, Back in Melbourne, Back to uni.
This feels real, everything feels real. Time, people, places. They feel real to me. And it's dreadful, I can't face all these. I don't understand how these happened. It was like just 3 months ago I lead an easy life, I feel loved and surrounded, I am all happy and I owned a clear brain, no jealousy no confusion no dillema. The more I thought about it, it feels further, it feels surreal, it feels dreamy, like I had entered a time gap or a blackhole or somethingfor the last few months, I dont know, I don't read sci-fi.
Now that I am back, away far far away from my comfort zone. And these monster of confusion, jealousy and dillema that've been in hibernation for a while pops out gradually. What should I say, what should I do, how should I react, where is my self esteem.
Please stop saying I am independent, please stop saying I am totally happy-go-lucky.
This is overwhelming.
Of course I am happy and I appreciate those lovely words. And I know you're honest.
It's just that you saw only my chirpy cheerful side.
I ain't saying that it's just a facade, and when you start digging and scanning into the wall and column you found all sadness and melancolic. No I ain't saying that.
It's just that I do have my sentimental side.
I laugh a lot, I talk a lot, I scream a lot.
But I think, I cry, and I wishes for the best too.
May be I am just too noisy for you to realised that I do think, Like A LOT.
And you might not believe it (when I am always the one that forgot to bring my sketchbook, pencils and when is my next classs whatsoever), I remembers a lot too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know, this is a lil personal.
Whatever. I think I'll just publish this. Who cares it bores you to hell, I warned you. and this is MY blog.
random add-in: I miss you and I love you, my fam!
and Final Words: I am happy right this moment, after all this useless rants like a loser.
Back to my blog, Back in Melbourne, Back to uni.
This feels real, everything feels real. Time, people, places. They feel real to me. And it's dreadful, I can't face all these. I don't understand how these happened. It was like just 3 months ago I lead an easy life, I feel loved and surrounded, I am all happy and I owned a clear brain, no jealousy no confusion no dillema. The more I thought about it, it feels further, it feels surreal, it feels dreamy, like I had entered a time gap or a blackhole or somethingfor the last few months, I dont know, I don't read sci-fi.
Now that I am back, away far far away from my comfort zone. And these monster of confusion, jealousy and dillema that've been in hibernation for a while pops out gradually. What should I say, what should I do, how should I react, where is my self esteem.
Please stop saying I am independent, please stop saying I am totally happy-go-lucky.
This is overwhelming.
Of course I am happy and I appreciate those lovely words. And I know you're honest.
It's just that you saw only my chirpy cheerful side.
I ain't saying that it's just a facade, and when you start digging and scanning into the wall and column you found all sadness and melancolic. No I ain't saying that.
It's just that I do have my sentimental side.
I laugh a lot, I talk a lot, I scream a lot.
But I think, I cry, and I wishes for the best too.
May be I am just too noisy for you to realised that I do think, Like A LOT.
And you might not believe it (when I am always the one that forgot to bring my sketchbook, pencils and when is my next classs whatsoever), I remembers a lot too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know, this is a lil personal.
Whatever. I think I'll just publish this. Who cares it bores you to hell, I warned you. and this is MY blog.
random add-in: I miss you and I love you, my fam!
and Final Words: I am happy right this moment, after all this useless rants like a loser.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)