Journal

Start to doubt which direction i am heading to in this blog as I read through. I wasn't being totally open and honest with my thinking and feelings here and neither it's a directory or sharing blog. Not that I was lying or hiding anything, it's just that, sometimes, you know.. You know what I am talking about, bloggers. Don't you.

Privacy and stuff. Perception and stuff.

And you know, people are, well, judgemental. Stop living in denial, I mean, that's really normal. You do, even if you don't mean to sometimes. haha (awkward laugh huh)

Internal debating whether to start to start a physical journal of my own, in PAPERS. Real papers.

~ those really pretty vintage journals in cursive with sepia or bnw photos comes to my mind ~

Paper scissor rocks. PAPER wins.

but was too afraid it is just gonna ends up die out of attention hunger. They seriously need tonnes of words feed and photos supply, and honesty and and and TIME for sure. And you know how long do you (or COULD YOU) spend sittting in fronta your desk writing properly. Urban disease. Bet you'd rather check your facebook.





Me too.

But i really want something that i could read, and smile in the future.

even though i might not be all ' oh. those good old times', but i will at least smile and say ' ah, silly me. ' haha.

Memory, aint thou the best thing.

was it last year or something i somehow managed to find my old diary that RIP when i was Form 2. amazing, right. Spent hours reading it, and i enjoyed every moment of it no matter how silly and crappy those words are. 'Cause i remembered why i wrote them, And I am glad that it forms part of me.

Anyway, journal or no journal, this blog remains. It might just go change some fashion and head towards some new different direction.

Jap quiz tomorrow.
and Airplanes is love.

Today

Which reminds me :

「P」 : So.. You have facebook?
Me : Erm, yeah.
「P」 : So.. I type in 'Moon' to find you?
Me : Erm, yeah. (whatt.)
「P」 : Ohhh... You actually put your nickname as your facebook name. HAHAHA.
Me : (!!) Nooo.. that's my REAL NAME.

*「P」 - a new friend that i made in uni

This was a while ago, but it cames fresh to my mind today.

If you just met me, please do not mind me by saying ' My name is Siew Moon, but you can call me 'Moon' '. I know, that is perhaps too long a sentence to answer ' hey you are ?'

'wasting time'

Found some interesting people who kept whining that they wasted lotsa time and how regretful they are.

You know, it's ok. It's really ok. I like 'wasting time' too, if that's how you call it. But 'wasting time' makes me happy and contended sometimes. No guilt. And it's not like time that are not invested in assignments or jobs should all be categorised as 'wasted'. I might be too young to say this, but i think there are more important things to do, more things that worth your time to be 'wasted' on, than assignments from your ABPL38912743158975 tutor and jobs in a cafe at some alley.

I am the kind of person who is willing to wake up earlier just so that i have more time to 'waste'. Like NOW.

Yeah I like wasting time and I am pround of it. narcisist much huh?

Broken mug

Broke a mug today morning. sigh.

looking at the broken scattering pieces reminds me of how a heart was and may be is and could always be.

Cleaning that up is always awful, if not painful.

FRINGE and stuff

got my fringe chopped yesterday. I mean, CHOPED.

brand new me with brand new idiotic looking fringe. ugh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My fringe was eye prickling (its annoying especially during this critical exam period) and i wanted a change (pretty much girl's purest reason for a haircut) . went to a hairdresser and had it choped off.

I think i looked terrible-ish. This whole chopped off fridge just seems so off on me.

There's a saying, 'time would heal the wound'.
I say: ' Time would heal my fringe'.

please, fringe, grow quicker.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As i mentioned above, i am at this crucially critical exam preparation period but i aint doing the right thing. oh focusing have been really hard these days. what's going on. All i wanted to do (and have been doing the whole day) is really ANYTHING other than studying. omg where is the nerdy me?

じゃ、みなさん、がんばってください。

baby step

Can't believe how idiotic I was yesterday.


Chance Chance Chance, I just let it go.

Oh whatever.

As a friend of mine said, I haven't been acting like this since the longest time ever. Like a whining baby.

No matter how hard I wanna deny that, I have to admit it. Yes I haven't been feeling like this for a while. A very loooooooooong while.

Some asked why, and it makes me wonders why. And I realise all I could say is IDK.

This feeling thing... , oh well.

Anyway, baby steps comon baby steps. So, teach me patient.

今わ。。。

Oh oh you know what.


this is really random but i guess that ’high school feeling’ i've been looking for kicks in again.


oh well. じゃね。

I promised this will be the LAST POST of archi crap

Tomorrow is gonna be the last day of the semester.

Can't believe time flew that fast, just THAT fast, you know. A moment ago it was just the beginning of the sem, and seriously are you kidding, i SURVIVED* thru the sem?

* NOTE: I am not too sure if I SURVIVED the sem, 'cause its clear that I haven't get graded for stuff, and final submission and exam are still ahead of me. but oh well, if you know how an architecture student semester is like, you would probably think SURVIVED is the word.


As you might realised what I wrote in the past few post, I am at the stage of 'where am i heading to in my life?' .

Mid life crisis.

I am 21.

Seriously.

Lets hope finger cross, 21 is not my mid life.

Btw, I realised architect sorta have shorter life span that others do. But well, they might already make every second worth it by staying up thru the night. They doubled their time spent with the life span given.

You might not get it. Lemme explain in simple math.

Ok. Let say this architect A and this clerk B both died at year 40 ( how sad ). Architect A actually use more of his time span than clerk B. So how this works is that:

Clerk B used life time = 40 (yr) x 365 (day) x 16 (active hr per day)= 262800 hrs
architect A used life time = 40(yr) x 365 (day) x 24 (active hr per day)= 350400 hrs

You see how the math works.



Ok enough crap. Thats totally irrelevant to what I was about to say when I start typing in this littlw column.


The fact that i just kinda got done with my final presentation makes me a little crazy. I am not used to have that much capacity in my mind.

Have been thinking bout the life direction stuff as I mentioned a hundred thousands word before . You might think its a little early to think about this, I am still a third year.

Well, it might not be an urgent to solve. It is just that, the thinking and FACT that i mighn't have been improving much or if there is any, from the day i stepped into the uni, is a little frustating and upsetting. Uni is making me stupid (I am seeking for agreement and support for the last sentence, please =)). What have I been doing in uni all these years. All nighters and essays and partying .?

Oh well, but you know what, when i was talking to a friend of mine about how impassionate i am about all this architecture crap, I realised i cannot picture myself in the future other than being an architect. So i guess I am still in afterall. =) POSITVE !

Blue sky

Sometimes life is just...

unpredictable.

What you told me explained my confusion over months. And I am filled with joy and positive momentum, that it eases your mind, and (fyi) it eases mine too.


Blue sky ♥

And as I read what I wrote...

And as I read what I wrote...

I thought I should be an architectural photographer.


because those are the people that deceive influence my young and innocent mind back then.

and I gotta say it's NOT that I regretted doing architecture. It is just that a lot had been going on.

live love life.

This Archi talk.

Why did I choose to do architecture in the first place.

why why why.

and i wonder what would I be doing instead if this stupid decision wasnt made.

I didn't choose architecture because it starts with 'A' and thus in the first page of the 'course selection' booklet.

I know I am a bad reader, but Seriously I didn't do that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Architecture.

It attracted me and never cease to attract me. I loved architecture, and still love architecture.

It is just that, sometimes... I realised I didn't love architecture that much that I am prepare and willing to devote my life to it. That doesn't feel right.

Someone told me that s/he envy those that is willing to and are able to dedicate to architecture, even as young as a student.

I told him/ her that I don't, despite the fact that I envy people quite a lot ( and i do mean 'envy' and not similar negative substitute). I just don't see the meaning of this whole lifelessness and stuff, like how you treat your an hour nap as a precious god gifted break that you deserve after staying up for three thousand hours, or a peek on an episode of desperate housewife as the best entertainment ever after spending a week with yellow trace and no other thing.

And that people just have to have something else that they are passionate about.

even if it's dotA.


This is just plain emo crap.

and so, dear archies, no offence if you love your assignments.

Clear mind

Mind clearing - success.

I love this. I Love my clear mind =)

Blue sky, aww...

Although Melbourne is getting cold.

You probably wouldn't understand, but it's okay

I am suppose to be sleeping or studying (not in the mood as usual), but oh well, decided to write some stuff down.

Constantly disturbed recently, i can't concentrate. I am distracted.

Too much to think about, to forget about, and hopefully to forgive.

Let's believe I can.
I know I can.


* i just realised the title is so emo.
it's ok, i am not a 14 yo teenage hiding round a dark corner trying to kill herself. and i believe tomorrow's gonna be a better day. way better.

Thanks

Been away for a while, busy with my trip to Brunei and bringing friends around in Kota Kinabalu. Gonna update that later.

This is like a typical reader-less blog's blog entries, too common too boring ugh, but I have not much of idea what and how to sort out and i guess i am too lazy to. Just feel like writing a let-it-be entry hm.

What am I saying here and what am I gonna say here.

Um,

To begin with, I received a video wishing me happy 21st birthday from my lovely Melbourne friends. A million thanks for their effort. It makes me laugh so badly till my stomach ache everytime I saw it. I don't know how many more videos will I get in my life, but the chances are rare, so thanks, I am so gonna keep this forever. Guys, you make my day.

A picture to end the post. Some spring cleanning that I've been doing and here are my plush sayangsssss under the sun.

My to-do list 2: Talk slower

I have been and always been talking fast, too fast.

You might be thinking 'oh so you knew it!! but why are you still talking soooo fast?'

I have been wanting to answer this question, digging holes to my heart and brain, but I am sorry, I am seriously clueless.

I guessed I am born to be. That's the only reason that makes sense.

Other possible rationalities?
(a) I am good with language (no, 'cause talking quickly doesn't makes any effective relationship with language level, for instance i am still bad in English)
(b) I have lungs with small capacity, so I have to breathe more often (so I have to finish the sentence before my next in/exhale)
(c) I am always nervous ( okay i have to admit that i kinda get nervous easily and i do talk quicker and mumbles when i am nervous, but hell, it's not like it makes sense that i am nervous 24-7!)

See, I couldn't figure what is the reason behind except this lousy excuse that I am born to be so.

Anyway, it's not like I never try to speak slower. There were several times at different point of my life that i did make efforts to talk slower and clearer. But those never works. Speaking slower makes me sounds emotionless and monotonous, it just sounds weird. And I get back to the usual 129867663298175666498km/SEC talking speed me almost immediately. Ugh.

No it's a new decade i think it's time (hahas).

So this is kinda like my new year resolution, I wanna speak slower, clearer. Gimme courage and persistance.

My to-do list 1: frequent swimming

It has been a while since the last update, I was just a bit restless. I mean my mind, 'cause exercising (CONSTANTLY) is still in my 'TO-DO LIST'.

Trying to keep myself swimming 2-3 times per week, and it was tolerable enjoyable so far ( 2 weeks almost). But seriously it was my favourite exercise slash past time (besides shopping and food meeting) at the moment, I enjoy every moment of peaceful morning under the blue chlorine water, it puts my mind at ease. With every movement it gives you a dash, and i love the simple fact that the effort you give in, is directly proportional to the distance you made (so undienably science background ugh, but i no longer remember what's the formula to calculate momentum from velocity). Simple and fair.

But I am so afraid of getting too tan. (asian huh? hah.) Any recommendation of good sunscreen or something, girl friends? Indoor swimming pool is not available in here fyi, the sea, ships, trees and blue sky here are too awesome to be out of eye sight blocked by walls decorated with schools of merry-looking dolphins leaping painting( i love dolphins but their appearance in paintings are exploited) when you thrust.

That's it atm and next update would be soon. I am trying to blog more while I am free, for writing is better than er, facebooking, at least slightly, no?

p/s this is not a new year resolution.

so fast i havent get to put a full-stop there

it friggin' HOT here! Someone save me please? I know I have air-cond in my room and almost everywhere of my house here just that it is not possible to hav'em ON for 24hr per day when your daddy is here looking at you wtf are you doing after coming back from melbourne dun act angmo we are so an asian its not like you stay in melbourne for 20 years and 11 months of your life in fact you spent like one-tenth of your life over that colder country doesnt mean anything so you just gotta stay in this oven for the rest of your three months no angmo aircond allowed.

And I am so friggin' bored here. the fact that i am not actually back in my hometown this is like my second home that i have stayed only like 2 years before i actually begin to study in melbourne and its like i know no-one other than my family okay well that was like over-exaggerate i know but still i would say that was a great metaphore okay and and and can you possibly imagine how boring is it here cuz i dun even have the slightest idea of how to go here and there with public transport cum its so packed and grilling hot to be in it and i cant go anywhere much with car first i can barely park second i seriously have no idea about those ever changing road third where to go in this grilling hot weather i cant just keep staying in shopping centre for the rest of my three months.

I am watched. not allowed to stay in my room 24/7 watching HK drama watsoever as much as i could so-cial-i-sed preeeaaase. tired this is too hot to even think about what to do my brain is fried and it burnt my humour cells sorry.

Rant

That's so weird of me keep writing stuff and save 'em in draft.

So weird la. I have like 5 already within a week.

And you know what. They are ALL rants, ALL!!!

Since when I'd be THIS easily irritated (and I am annoying when I am irritated)? I've got so much rantssss! too much. they are gonna burst out from my draft folder soon mann!! Or you wanna read them (or no)? Too honest, you'll be scared! hahaha. This is like warning of some sort.

Ey, a random question. Does everybody judge everybody?

There is no need to lie

There is no need to lie. I wouldn't say a thing even if you tell me the truth, as there is nothing to be (and supposed to be) complained. I am just impressed that you feel the need to do so. Since when I am in need to be 'socialised' with.

There is evident. Or may be just my eyes that are too sharp, too observing. They are in dark, they are hidden, they are at where I am not suppose to see (and you don't supposed I will be able to). Well, I just saw them.

I won't say a thing. I understand. You are just trying to be kind.

Ps. This is no big deal. I am just impressed at how unnecessary a lie can be. But I know, it is just a white-lie, no big deal. I am okay.

Who says Vista is dumb?

It is not 'dumb', nor it deserved to be 'dumped',

it is 'dumbledore'...

=.="

I know... But isn't this pretty rhythmic, I thought it's fun =)

Anyway, I've got a happy starter for today!! I finally managed to open the stupid hidden photo files in my memory stick!!!!! Like FINALLY!! Been trying and trying and trying for the past few months , using different route to reach the memory cards, some suggesting 'exploring' instead of 'open' the memory sticks. copying the memory sticks to desktop, try different card readers, different computer Et Cetera Et Cetera, BUT non of them works....

Okay after all this crap, you might be wondering how this works actually? c'mon, stop beating round the bush!! I don't have much time!! ... er, sorry i do, i am in the beginning of SWOT Vac, which means i still have plenty of time.

Stop bull-shitting ( i think i wrote too much essay). The thing with Vista is it has got a little 'search' box on the right top of the windows, which i think is custom-made for people like me, this kind of forgetful but have violent amount of files (useful or useless) computer user. This 'search' box is like the tag on a box, you are able to know what's 'hidden' inside without digging and flipping the whole box, save the hassle, save your time. Hm, I start to think that you probably wouldn't be able to understand this if you have no experience in moving. But you are certainly nodding like mad if you do have. Hahas. (oh man, i am so off-the-topic) ... So what i did was typing a 'd' in the box and all of my 'dsc' files came out ( i was using sony, so my photos have 'DSC+serial number' file name!)!!!! Seriously, it has ALL came out!!!! ALL!!!!

...Now copying the files to hardisk, transferring...

Yes, I am so in love with Vista now.
And I think I am smart somehow. <--kidding, not funny meh?